'crying' on Birthday is normal ?

i felt great just a second ago but something changed maybe it's the air or the earth's rotation or the movement of leaves, or just the fact that it hit me !

or idk … but I feel overwhelmed a few hours before my birthday. why? is it normal ?

i have normalized crying on my birthday(not as a bad thing but just celebrating ). And I think it is normal for me to look at my success and failure within these hours every year on eve.

I AM 20. OMG.

I AM 20 !!!! so soon as if 19 never existed but it did it was and it will be gone in a few minute .

Ayushi,who was 16 is very proud of me today.Reasons are endless. but is also upset about things that are worst that being proud of. 20 year old me is openly writing her thoughts on the internet to grow and be vulnerable to share her opinion and stories. but 16 year me is always hesitant and things about the worst consequences. well, the thing is “what meant to happen will happen.”,“People are not as worst at you think they are , everyone is saling in their own boat which might sometimes crash other intentionally or unintentionally”, “so you have a choice each day to repeat you previous action over and over and get the same result or take a risk ,fall, learn and grow”.

these are the thoughts I have right now. That made me “PROUD OF MYSELF”person ;

who speaks her mind , makes the worst jokes ever , have a loud voice , is always trying ,will help you through ends because I think no one is here to help me , is rude when meeting for the 1st time, has rigid opinion on morals, don't understand finance(but is trying to).

and a lot of things.

but to put the strings together , I am much more that these things and values and objective , as I grow , I am always afraid of losing a part of me and the realization really sucks me in , but to lose is to grow and unravel a new part of you. Because I am not the time , thoughts or object I can be whoever I want to be . Always and forever. I am my dream and success mission whose ending is with god .

Thank you for giving me this space to openly express my self.

WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY !! WHEN EVERY YOU READ THIS ! I WILL CONSIDER IT A ADVANCE WISH FOR MY NEXT B,DAY !!!

LOVE YOU ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TOOOO ❤