A CURSE CALLED DEPENDENCY

Nothing is scarier than your state of dependency on others for anything.

Being in the arms of a situation where you cannot do anything but lament is the most painful place to be ever stuck at.

It never hits us until our brain is in constant battle with our soul to move out from the place where we are not happy at all, and the saddest thing is that we have to shut our brain down every time. The only reason to do that is that we cannot do anything because we are dependent on some people for something or the other.

Dependency is like you want to move your hand, but you can’t move it because you were not taught how to move your hand without the help of someone else. Dependency is the lack of knowledge or ability to do anything about a situation.

Not being able to do something might not hurt in an unconscious state, like when you are a baby, and you don’t even know the principle behind the essential tasks of life. But not being able to do anything in your conscious state of mind is always dreadful. You think you are fully capable of doing something, but then there also exists a fear of what might happen if you go from a state of dependency to independence. That fear makes you stay, or worse, feel comfortable in your long ago created seat of dependency in your mind.

So that you don’t have to come out in a real world where people are actually self-sufficient, you tend to tolerate what you are not supposed to. To tell the truth, until we are not fully mentally conscious, dependency is something we cannot run from, but once we become mentally aware, dependency becomes a choice. It’s up to us whether we want to stay dependent or become independent. Under the shade of a mature mind, emotionally stable heart, and a viewpoint different from others, dependency is always a self-made and self-chosen way of living.

Dependency is gender-neutral by the by, but the women category of every age is the worst sufferer. With no intention of demeaning a powerfully evolving community of women, I would like to bring out that there is still a high percentage of women living under a condition of dependency. Be it physical, emotional, or financial, women always top the list of incapacitated people. What hurts an already independent woman is to know that a woman can be fully independent. However, still, so many women willingly give up their potential and right to become independent.

They believe that it would disrespect the males of their family or sometimes females too if they would demand their independence. To this, I would like to let them know that demanding your right or standing for yourself is not an act of disrespecting others but of awareness, courage, and respect towards your strengths, views, and above all, your own life. Women just willingly let others dominate them, dictate them, and let them tell how they should live their lives. Their perception of limited choices, wishes, viewpoints, and dreams is just a mindset they have been holding on to irrelevantly.

Men and women both are a victim of dependency but let’s see how partial dependency can act sometimes-

1.     Financial dependency- No doubt girls are better at saving money than boys, but boys tend to have more money than girls even at an early age. When these boys become men, they already have started earning because this is what they are taught. From an early age, boys are taught that their work in life is to make money, so they start preparing for a financially independent mindset when they are just a kid. But girls are not taught to become independent, and it is a bitter pill to swallow, but some girls are still not taught this thing.

Financial independence is not only crucial for significant events, but basic day-to-day needs also require financial freedom. When girls who were not taught to become financially independent get married, they suffer a lifetime of pain or humiliation because they have to beg even for 5 rupees in front of their husbands. When they get tired of begging even for a small amount of money, they start stealing and hiding money from their husbands, leading to a daily cause of conflict between married couples.

A brutal willingness of a husband to keep his wife financially dependent on him makes his wife go out in search of a job where some men might take advantage of her helplessness. To earn money, a woman has to lose her dignity and engage sexually with a man other than her husband.

Financial dependency indeed makes married women’s lives hell, but it must not be forgotten that unmarried people also suffer from this disease called dependency. Financial dependency kills the potential of people needing resources to fulfill their dreams. It becomes more complicated when a child wants to pursue something else his/her parents have chosen for him/her. This can lead to depression and anxiety among them, and grey clouds of suicidal thoughts may start to roam inside their heads because they might feel unwanted.

It is not only a wife’s financial dependency on her husband that is painful, but the financial dependency of a mother on her son, a daughter/ son’s reliance on her/his parents, or parents’ dependency on their children is also a cause of continuous anguish.

2.     Physical Dependency- Physical dependency and financial dependency are intermixed per se. It is no hidden fact that men and women are interdependent in their physical needs. But this form of interdependency gets converted into co-dependency in no time when a man decides that he has lost interest in his wife or vice versa. The ratio of women making their husbands co-dependent is much lesser than men making their wives co-dependent for sexual needs.

Since a woman’s body is something holy, getting her sexual needs fulfilled by a man other than her husband is a disgrace to her piousness. But it is also a stain on manhood when a husband makes his wife go in search of pleasure only when he has the authority to provide for her. Sometimes, a man’s inhuman readiness and incompetency to perform sexually make her woman take her vagina in hand and sell it at a cheaper cost.

Not only sexual but physical dependency in terms of strength also brings pain. Women are not as physically strong as men, so they have to face problems in many aspects. In an account of their weak physicality, they are harassed sexually, which is the biggest inhuman act and barbarity seen against them.

It can’t be said that women can ever stand equally with men in terms of physical strength because men and women are both built differently for different purposes, but women can become strong to keep them safe from minor attacks.

3.     Emotional Dependency- Being a human and being emotionless is rare to be found. Some are emotionally strong, and some are not. But there never exists a complete absence of emotions. Both situations are normal because not everyone is the same, and we have to deal with our emotions differently. 

We can’t wholly affirm that women are emotionally weak or men are emotionally strong or vice versa. Because men and women both can fluctuate in the strength and weakness of their emotions. When and where the problems arise, one person feels or is made to feel that he/she is not emotionally intense and has to rely on the other person to feel emotionally secure.

Emotional dependency can affect a person for a lifetime. Once an emotionally dependent feeling is sown, there is no turning back unless and until that person completes his/her share of depression on this earth. Emotional dependency acts like a woodlouse eating a human mind and heart, leaving it hollow and unable to return to a stable state for an extended period.

An emotionally dependent person needs someone not only for powerful emotional attacks but for minor emotional support too. So henceforth, instead of believing that we are humans and we need someone to share our emotions and feelings with, whether that makes us strong or weak, we need to think that we indeed are humans. Still, before that, we are individuals who are given an individual life. So we have to support our individuality. We have to take care of our emotions ourselves, and depending on someone else for our emotions is like giving half a share of our individual life to someone else.

It takes time to realize that nothing weighs you down more than your dependency on others for anything. Suppose we are sharing this habitat with other people. In that case, an absolute absence of dependency is not possible but making reliance a way of living life is grievous in the long term and dangerous for one’s personal growth, mental and physical health, and above all, disrespect of one’s life and potential.

Choosing to be dependent or independent depends entirely on how a person wants to live his/her life. People who have comprehended the value of their lives and have developed dreams for themselves can never choose a state of dependency. While people who still live under the umbrella of a chosen life and limited or no goals do not think twice before agreeing to a state of dependency.

Dependency is not just a decision but a lifestyle, a mindset, and a habit we cultivate for ourselves. So, we have to be careful while choosing between dependency and independence because it will affect us in the long run and sometimes for a lifetime.

Being dependent on anyone wretchedly for accommodation, food, clothes, happiness, companionship, and togetherness for a lifetime is, indeed, a curse.